Surgery tomorrow.

I am in bed realizing feeling completely unprepared for surgery tomorrow. The house is not as clean as I would like, the bed sheets need to be washed, I did not get meals prepared for Jeff and quite frankly I am not ready for my summer to end. Now I know this must sound beyond stupid, but the last time I had surgery, I spend almost an entire year unable to get around. I had my first surgery in February and I did not walk unassisted or without a cast or brace until almost December. I can not help but be fearful that this surgery could possibly leave me in the same condition. Now I know a lot of people (if anyone actually read this) must be asking them selves why I am even going to go through another surgery with such possibilities at hand. Well it is because it has been over a year since I have been able to walk without pain, to play with my son and not have to tell him "sorry mommy can not do that", or to ride my bike, hike the mountain, or even go up and down the stairs to do laundry without having to take something because the pain is too much. For over a year I have taken pain medication almost daily and cried more times then I can count. I have gone for long walks, trying to do what I can to finally loose some weight and come home and screamed into a pillow because the pain was too much. That is if I even made it for a walk without crying on the street. Yes I did have good days and yes there were many times that my knee did not hurt, but it is all the times that it has that makes me so desperate for this surgery. Desperate that my doctor might be able to go in there and finally once and for all fix what ever is causing this. So for now I am praying for the very best, but preparing for the worst. So tomorrow at 7am I will go to the hospital and with all my being, believe this is going to finally be the one to get me back to doing what I want, minus the pain.