Friday, January 13, 2012

For the past 5 years I have wished on every birthday candle, on every coin tossed in a fountain, on every 4 leaf clover found and every star I saw shoot across the sky. I prayed to God every night to send us another miracle to love and call our own. I knew it was not going to be easy but I never gave up hope. Finally after so long we got the call that you were finally here and that you were growing strong and would join our family in August. My heart overflowed into tears and I could not wait to holler to the world that you were finally here. We decided to wait just to make sure everything was perfect so we kept you our wonderful little secret. Oh Christmas morning I couldn't keep that secret in any longer and Daddy and I finally sat down and told your big Brother, Tyson, that you were on your way. That is something I will cherish every second I am on this earth. I know he fell in love with you that very moment and could not wait to see you. Tyson decided we needed a name for you and so he came up with Baby Bibblemin. I don't know where he came up with it, but we all agreed it was the perfect name for our little baby. Everyday he would put his ear to my stomach and tell me if you were crying, laughing or hungry. He refused to sleep anywhere except right next to me so he could be as close to you as possible. As much as we were enjoying our vacation together as a family, I wanted to get back home so we could see you again on the ultrasound. Tyson was so excited and asked every day what you would look like and if you would be able to see him too. We finally got home and before we could go and see you, we had our family Christmas together. It was so special having Nannie and Papa there with us this year and we all talked about what it was going to be like having you with us at Christmas time next year. Tyson was so sweet and told us he would give you all of his favorite pj's that he outgrew. My heart was overjoyed and my dreams were coming true. The next day we all went to the doctor together and when they finally called our name, Tyson almost screamed with excitement. Sadly with everyone watching the screen we were told that your tiny heartbeat could not be found. You had slipped away without us ever knowing. My little baby was gone and my heart was broken. Having to sit down and explain to Tyson that instead of joining our family God brought you back to Haven to become an angel was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. He was so sad and confused and just laid in my lap sobbing. That night I prayed harder than I had ever before that the doctor would be wrong and that we would go for another scan and we would find you happily bouncing around. That wasn't to be and after 8 weeks and 6 days you were taken away. My heart feels empty without you, like I lost you before I ever got to say that I love you. I don't know why you had to leave us but I hope that you hear me when I talk to you. I hope you know that I love you so much and even though I was only able to carry you under my heart for a short time, I will carry you in my heart forever.....

Thursday, January 12, 2012

My Miracle......

They say there is a reason,
They say that time will heal,
But neither time nor reason,
Will change the way I feel,
For no-one knows the heartache,
That lies behind our smiles,
No-one knows how many times,
We have broken down and cried,
We want to tell you something,
So there won't be any doubt,
You're so wonderful to think of,
But so hard to be without.